home / skills / coowoolf / insighthunt-skills / delicate-conversation-scripts
This skill helps managers deliver difficult feedback with structured scripts that rely on observable facts, preserve relationships, and drive performance.
npx playbooks add skill coowoolf/insighthunt-skills --skill delicate-conversation-scriptsReview the files below or copy the command above to add this skill to your agents.
---
name: delicate-conversation-scripts
description: Use when delivering difficult feedback (performance issues, firing, promotion denial), when managers avoid necessary conversations due to fear, or when needing structured scripts for high-stakes communication
---
# Delicate Conversation Scripts
## Overview
A structured approach to delivering difficult feedback that relies on **observable facts** rather than judgment, reducing defensiveness and clarifying expectations.
**Core principle:** Your job is to drive results, not make employees happy. But doing it well preserves the relationship AND improves performance.
## The Six-Step Script
```
┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ 1. NEUTRAL OPENING │
│ "I want to chat with you about [Topic]..." │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ 2. OBSERVABLE EVIDENCE │
│ "What I am hearing/observing is [Specific Fact]..." │
│ NOT: "You're not a team player" │
│ YES: "In the last 3 meetings, you interrupted others 7x" │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ 3. SHARED REALITY │
│ "We both know that to be successful here [Expectation]..." │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ 4. THE STAKES │
│ "If this doesn't change, [Consequence]..." │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ 5. THE PAUSE │
│ Check for reaction/defensiveness. │
│ "I notice you're getting emotional..." │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ 6. THE FUTURE │
│ "I want to help you succeed by [Next Steps]..." │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
```
## Key Principles
| Principle | Good | Bad |
|-----------|------|-----|
| **Evidence** | Observable facts/data | Judgments/feelings |
| **Framing** | Career goals link | Personal attack |
| **Mindset** | Help them improve | Vent your frustration |
| **Reaction** | Hold the line | Back down |
## Handling Emotional Reactions
When they get defensive/emotional:
- "I notice you're getting a little emotional..."
- "We can take a break if needed, but ultimately we need to have this conversation."
- **Hold the line**—don't back down just because it's uncomfortable.
## Common Mistakes
- **Vague to be "nice"**: Specifics are kinder in the long run
- **Personality focus**: Critique behavior, not character
- **Backing down**: When emotional reaction happens, persist
## Example Application
Manager telling employee she's not getting promoted:
- ✗ "You're just not ready"
- ✓ "The skills we need for this role are X, Y, Z. My observation is you're strong in X but need development in Y and Z. I want to help you build those skills for the future."
---
*Source: Alisa Cohn (Executive Coach, Top Startup Coach) via Lenny's Podcast*
This skill provides a six-step, evidence-based script for delivering difficult feedback and handling high-stakes conversations with clarity and respect. It focuses on observable facts, clear expectations, and concrete next steps so managers can drive results while preserving relationships. Use it for performance issues, promotion denials, and any conversation managers are avoiding out of fear.
The approach guides you through a neutral opening, presentation of observable evidence, establishing shared expectations, stating stakes, pausing to observe reaction, and closing with concrete next steps. It replaces judgments with specific behaviors or data and teaches how to hold the line when emotions rise. Scripts and short prompts help structure words and timing for real conversations.
What if the employee becomes very emotional or defensive?
Acknowledge the emotion, offer a short break if needed, but return and hold the line—repeat the factual observations and next steps rather than retreating.
How specific should the observable evidence be?
Be as specific and recent as possible: cite dates, examples, metrics, or recorded behaviors. Vague statements increase defensiveness and reduce clarity.